Win a Free Reading! Your story could be worth a FREE reading. We'll publish the best submissions in our monthly email newsletter - AND on our site. And, we'll give a FREE reading to anyone who submits a story or tip worth publishing. So talk to us, tell us about your unusual experiences!

Love from the First

Ant Henny-Penny and Uncel Egg met in Atlanta. Ma thinks that nuthin good comes out of Atlanta and that the only civilized place in the world is Savannah. Ma claims that anybody who is anybody lives in Savannah. Course her and Pa don't thive there no more but they was both borned and pulled up there. Ant Henny-Penny, she were borned there too, but she went up to Yankeeland when she were no moren knee-high to a grasshopper, bein as how HER ma and pa moved up there and acourse Ant Henny-Penny had to go along. Well, Ant Henny-Penny went to some high-falutin schools in New York.

That's why she talks to so funny. Uncel Egg, he were some kinda sports writer in Atlanta and him and Ant Henny-Penny met there when she were visiting Granny Pennypacker. Ant Henny-Penny were a pet of Granny, bein as how she got her name partway from Granny. See, Granny's name was Penelope Pennypacker and Ant Henny-Penny were named after her and Great-Granny Henrietta Hollingsworth. Now Uncel Egg's rightful name is Robert Egbert, after that great general, Robert E. Lee. Uncel Egg were called Bubba up till bout the time he started in to losin his hair. Pa is his brother and Pa's front name is Jefferson John after that great Presnent of the CS of A, Jefferson Davis.But Pa is called Jeff John.

Folks down here in these parts kinda favor double names. Ma's name is Early Mae and she hates that name cause she thinks it ain't elegant and reefined enough. She tells everyone her name is Emma Louise but nobody pays her no never mind cause everyone in the family and folks hereabouts knows its Earlene Mae and she were named after her own pa, Earl Clyde, but nobody knew how to make a girl's name out of Clyde so Ma got her second name from her granny Mayola. Anyways folks around here knows its Earlene Mae but she ain't never ben called anything but Early Mae.

But that's the way Ant Henny-Penny and Uncel Egg met and quickern greased lightning them two up and fell knee-deep in love. Everybody says it were a pure D miracle how quick they got married cause everybody knows Uncel Egg is slowwern molasses in January when it comes to women. Ma would sniff and say, "Truth to tell, Henrietta Penelope proposed to HIM." And acourse all the women hereabouts started countin on their fingers, but Ant Henny-Penny and Uncel Egg ain't had no young'ns of their own, yet and them married moren five years. But Ant Henny-Penny says "We have our careers."

I had to look that word up cause I thought it was something they got in Atlanta, like measles or something. Ant Henny-Penny talked Uncel Egg into tryin his hand at writin and that meant they could move down next close to Ma and Pa and us kids. Well, Ma she weren't too taken with THAT idea cause she said Ant Henny-Penny was alwayz shamin the family with her coutlandish ways. Ma said Ant Henny-Penny dint have no breedin, even if she was blood kin. Ma said she expected Ant Henny-Penny had too much New York blood in here, but we just thought Ma was funnin us cause Ant Henny-Penny's folks was all our kin and Ant Henny-Penny is just as much Southren as any of us. Only she talks diffrent.

Y'all are probably wonderin how I got MY name. Well, course Sanahey Schottin bum aint my real name. It's by way of bein my pen name, like Ant Henny-Penny says all writers gotta have. And Ant Henny-Penny is bound and determined that's what I'm goin to be -- like Uncel Egg. Oh, yes, he done writ that book and keeps peckin away workin on the next one. Ma always said he weren't goin to amount to a hill of beans and her nose is kinda out of joint now cause his first book is sellin like hot cakes. He writes about football players and such. Ant Henny-Penny says a body ought to write about what he knows about. Ant Henny-Penny writes too - and would you believe it, she writes about pixies and elves and what she calls the wee folk.

Ma says, "And her a grown woman!" Anyways, my rightful name is Margaret Magnolia but everybody calls me Maggie-Maggie, them that doesn'tjust call me Maggie and some of the kids sometimes calls me M & Ms when they want to git my goat, cause they know that makes my red hair stand on end. But Ant Henny-Penny says, "Just remember, Maggie, the pen is mightier than the sword." I think she means by that I should talk em to death, stead of giving em black eyes. So she helped me name my pen - she says Sanahey is Irish for storyteller and evreybody hereabouts knows we're as Irish as Paddy's pig. The Schottinbum, well I got some asthma and I have to go to the doctor sometimes for shots - and guess where the nurse sticks that danged needle?!

(Did you notice how my gramar and spellin is improvin? That's cause Ant Henny-Penny is learnin me and the other young'ns how to talk right.)

And I guess my filosofy about all this is that it don't much matter where you was borned and raised up or how funny you talk. Some of the nicest people I know talk funny.

-Sanahey Schottinbum

Get A Reading